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acid or death

Someone feed me acid so I can meet god again and ask him what I’m supposed to do now that all my other plans fell apart. Little flurrys of colors and lights in pitch black room, mirrors and demons forming in my face and a dance to summon some non-eculedian manifestation I called Lilith to tell me how to dance again in my heart because I got nothing left and I want to kill myself because I feel like my soul is too damn big for this body and I can’t take it I can’t take it. I’m a freak and a demon and I want to kill myself to escape this prison. I feel trapped and limited this life is a burden it is not the life I want it to be it is not the life it could be or could of been I don’t even know where I am I just want to fly again like with wings I was scared to have on acid. I feel like I am a bird in a cage Lilith is of owls I am a night creature I am that which is scared to be a whore because I am seen so sexualized as a succubus and a trans woman and it’s like, why am I even trying? Fetishization and objectification is what awaits me if I want to go for something transcendent because all man does is degrade that which is holy into evil and twisted because they can’t comprehend the transmutation of self alchemical essence into the supernatural. In a misunderstanding of the lack of impure and pure they want to turn love into lust and lust into baseless animal instincts devoid of any other meaning but the physical sensation itself. I want to fuck souls not bodies. I don’t need to love you I just need you to give yourself over to me. I just need to feed on your soul and energy and maybe then you will understand the transcendent nature of sex. I am like the black sheep dakini of tantra I am the devil’s daughter and I am like a failed Bodhisattva but with a soul, and it hurts, and I’m tired, and I just want to die so I can rest from Samsara for a bit

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